Consistently Inconsistent

That's been one of the other titles that would be perfect for my blog. It's one of the things in my life that I lament over, kick myself around regarding, and generally am frustrated about. When I read back through my journals, I find plenty of times when I was most unhappy with myself for my lack of consistency.

But I think that my perspective hasn't been quite right.

If I were consistent - according to my own definition - wouldn't that be the same as being perfect? Isn't that quite impossible? Last I checked, there's only one man who was ever perfect and that's Jesus. I don't even come close.

I often run into the wall of unrealistic expectations. That doesn't mean I should just cross it off the list forever, not caring whether I'm consistent in anything or not. But I need to extend myself a little grace and understanding, realizing that I should be steadfast and disciplined in things, but if...no, when...I fall short, it's okay. Get up, dust myself off, and hop back on the trail. I would certainly offer the same kindness and mercy to others, so why not for me?

I just printed out a chronological Bible reading plan for next year from Diving Deeper Ministries over at the Internet Cafe Devotions. I hesitate to do that, because I know of my past inconsistencies and that causes me to sink my efforts before I even begin. Why bother? I know I'll just fail.

That, by the way, is another skewed perspective. I seem to have quite a few of them.



So I'm signing the linky, jumping aboard a year-long commitment to reading my Bible regularly, knowing full well that I won't be perfect. I will miss some days. I will get frustrated with myself. But I will just keep plugging away and forgive myself in the process. Instead of looking at what I didn't accomplish or where I messed up, I will look toward Jesus and look forward to what He has for me as I spend time in the Word, knowing that it will be glorious!

Will I Obey?

I drive up the heavily-trafficked hill. As I move into the left lane, I discover that everyone is doing the opposite – there’s a car stalled just ahead. I move back and pass the woman sitting her stationery car. She looks a little lost and very alone. A small voice says that I should go help her. Stopped at this red light, I could turn off into the school parking lot. But I’d never get across the street to her aid, I think. Besides, what could I do? Push her car up the hill? The signal turns green and I drive away with a heavy rock in my belly. I disobeyed the prompting of the Holy Spirit. The one that I so long to hear. The one that just yesterday, I asked to be quiet enough to hear.

I drive on to the next intersection, turn around, and come back. I pull into the same school parking lot I just passed; I park and head over toward the street. As I do, a young man meets me. Apparently her car began to run as he came up to help her. There was also another woman coming to her assistance, now crossing back to her own vehicle. “All those people and no one to help,” the young man says. Sadly, that is too often the truth. We’re all too busy with our own agendas to stop and help.

I drive away, wondering why God called me back there. I did nothing of value. But then He quietly places the answer upon my heart; the outcome is not the issue – obedience to His still, small voice is.

“Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice…” 1 Samuel 15:22

Mercy Benefit Day

We Are That Family is hosting Mercy Benefit Day today (sorry - I'm a little late). However, bids are being accepted until 10 p.m. (CST) tomorrow, January 18th. There are some amazing products which you can bid on. This event is to benefit The Mercy House.

From the site:

The Mercy House exists to provide alternative options for pregnant girls living in the streets of Kenya. The Mercy House will aid them in nutrition, housing, prenatal care, counseling, Biblical teaching and job skills for sustainable living.


As of this evening, there's still plenty of room for bids on almost 30 items. You'll find artwork, jewelry, clothing, music, hand-sewn items, and many other terrific things. You'll not only have a chance to win some lovely items, but you'll be making a difference in the lives of girls in Kenya.

Be Still

I have loved Lisa Leonard's jewelry for a long time {she's so sweet and talented!}, but haven't had the opportunity to purchase any for myself. I've entered numerous contests giving away her jewelry. After who-knows-how-many entries, I WON! My dear friend, Dawn {My Home Sweet Home} hosted an amazing giveaway with her 2010 Christmas Guide and I actually won!



Then came the difficult task of choosing what to order. Goodness, she has so many beautiful pieces. But I've had my eye on a necklace titled Be Still for quite some time {even has it engraved on the back!}. Anyone who knows me knows that STILL is not exactly my strong suit. I know that stillness is a good thing, it's just so hard to get to. So it seemed to me that wearing this necklace would be a lovely and sweet reminder. A reminder that I could really use.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Psalm 46:10

Inspiring Interview

Be in the Word.


Walk in obedience.


Bring God glory.




Those are the three things I came away with after listening to an interview with Francis Chan on Catalyst. The focus of the interview has to do with God's call upon your life. I really appreciated Francis' perspective and words on this.

I've been reading Francis' books and listening to his teachings for the past couple of years. He has some very powerful and challenging things to say. You'll have to forward to the 32-minute mark for Francis' interview (I can't speak to the prior portion, as I didn't listen to it). It's well worth the 20 minutes it takes to listen.

You can listen or download here.

Homebody

There was a time in my life when I couldn't stand being home for extended periods of time. If I spent much time at home, I would just have to leave. Even if I had nowhere in particular to go. Even if it meant just going to Target and wandering aimlessly (a very dangerous pastime for one's checkbook) or Taco Bell to eat something that wasn't at home.

Many years ago, John & I had moved to a new city in a different state, and I didn't have a job yet. I spontaneously drove 45 miles away to have lunch with my husband. Sadly, this was before cell phones and I had no idea that he wasn't able to have lunch with me that day. Disappointed, I stopped at Burger King because I was very hungry. Unfortunately, I had left my money at home, had no bank account yet (i.e.; no debit card) and we had no credit card. So I had to go home (the place I didn't want to be to begin with) - 45 miles away - hungry, lonely, and disappointed.

Following another move and similar situation, I also drove from south San Jose to Palo Alto (yeah, Bay Area traffic) to have lunch with my cousin. All in the name of getting out of my home. The home where I should've been unpacking and putting things away and getting settled.

That was also the reason I thought I could never be a stay-at-home mom. I'd lose my mind if I spent that much time at home! Our running joke was that John would stay home if we ever had kids and I would be the one to work. Besides, he's a better housekeeper than me.

But God has a sense of humor, doesn't He? Oh, initially when I quit my paying job to stay home with the boys, I still had to get out fairly often. But little by little, there was a transformation. He not only changed my heart, but these days, I've swung to the other end of spectrum. Sometimes I don't want to leave for any reason.

• Not to get milk, even though we need it
• Not to see my family and friends, even though I love them
• Not to go to church, even though I know I'll be fed and encouraged

But I do. I leave home for awhile. And it's usually okay. But if I've been gone too much, I need to have some extended time at home again. To rejuvenate and refuel. Who'd have thought it? Certainly not me.



What about you? Do you like to be home? Do you hanker to get out of the house? Or something in between?

Velcro

While driving home today, sans children, I was pondering the whole issue of abiding in Christ - really staying close with God. And then I got a picture of Velcro.



It occurred to me that being close to the Lord is like two pieces of Velcro. Of course, I'm the scratchier one. If I'm walking tight with Him, we stick together. Wherever He leads, I'm there. When we're apart, I may find myself sticking to other things in this world, but none will be like Him. Either the bond isn't as tight, or it's so tight that I'm trapped and strangled, unable to let go.

I also pick up fuzz and dirt and crud when I'm not connected to Him. The accoutrement presents obstacles to abiding. In fact, if I try to get close to Him, I can't abide - or stick - as tightly any more because of so much of the world's debris on me. Have you ever tried to put two pieces of Velcro together when one had a bunch of fuzzy stuff on it? It just doesn't work so well.

Who knew? Walking with Jesus is kind of like being a piece of Velcro.

Cool.

No Visible Fruit

As a mom, there are often times when it seems that I see no fruit of my labors (in parenting or homeschooling). I have one son in particular, who always has a reason why my ideas and suggestions won't work - for him anyway. Now I understand that as a teenager, he needs to start figuring things out for himself. But he will ASK for my input. And silly me, I give it to him. Only to find myself engaged in a near debate. I usually become frustrated and say that I don't know why I even talk to him sometimes. No - I'm not being mean and nasty with him, nor do I plan to cease all conversation. Ironically, he really does want to hear what I have to say and the reasons for what I say. Sometimes I think it's so he can dispute with me. But lately, this is really getting to me.

Last night, I picked him up from a friend's house and it started again. Actually, he wasn't even asking for advice or input. It was merely a conversation . . . or so it appeared. Alas, it was yet another camouflaged opportunity to be contrary. And I started to get sucked right into it. But instead of letting him know that I was exasperated, I just stopped talking. Period. End of discussion. I don't think he had any idea how I felt. We just rode along in silence for awhile. Eventually, I asked him a nice, neutral question, "Did you have fun?" Yes, he did. And then things moved along to less dangerous topics.

But I couldn't let go of it. I just kept ruminating over the fact that he has a contrary opinion to EVERYthing, or at the very least, a REASON (excuse, imho) for things. And everything I've tried to teach him seem to be lost somewhere in that head of his, archived away, never to see the light of day. I was grateful for sunglasses, because I was nearly in tears and I doubt I could explain to him why if he had asked.

But then I began to sense the Lord asking me if I would be faithful to His calling, regardless of the results. I believe it's Jeremiah (I'm not that well-versed on OT prophets) who proclaimed God's word to the people for many, many years and never saw a single convert. So am I willing to continue to train, disciple, and love my son, whether or not I see any evidence of that which I pour into him? And will I do it with grace and mercy, just as the Lord as extended to me?

Of course, I had to say, "Yes, Lord." I have to trust Him with my son and the outcome of his life. It's never really been within my control anyway. It may have appeared that way at one time, when he was a very small child. But that was merely an illusion. God's in charge of my son. My responsibility is obey His call on my life. Right now, that is primarily homeschooling our boys, training them in the ways of the Lord, being a helpmate to my husband and tending to our home. Not necessarily in that order and not exclusively.

"For in this the saying is true: 'One sows and another reaps.'" John 4:37

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9

I may or may not see fruit in my son's life. But that should never change my choices.

Summer Living

What a difference a little R&R can make in a person's life. My life, to be specific. Earlier last week, I hung out at the park with the boys, their cousin, and her friend. Actually, they hung out together while I was on a blanket at the edge of the park with water, my camera, and a book. And it was gloriously relaxing. I had to scoot everything occasionally to keep some things in the shade, but an hour and a half of taking photos and reading a book was simply delightful.

Dueling frisbee game


Friday I was able to have a nice chunk of time all to myself and spent an hour in God's word at Starbucks. What a joyful blessing as He led me to study in a way I'd not done before. Then I went out to the park to pick up a whole pack of boys (or at least as many as would fit in my van). I arrived a little early, so I drove to another area of the park and walked around a couple of ponds, breathing in the beauty of the afternoon, and taking the opportunity to shoot some chipmunks, among other things. With the camera, of course.





I have felt more relaxed and peaceful this past week than I have in a long time. I believe it's because I've been able to slow down just a bit and have these pockets of downtime. I need to find a way to schedule these in throughout my life. Whether it's sitting on a blanket reading, wandering around a pond in the woods, or just enjoying God, it's so important and valuable to my well-being.

New Year Thoughts

I had hoped to post a wrap-up, summary of 2009 yesterday, but the day just got away from me. Instead, I thought I might post some profound New Year's thoughts today. With an hour and fourteen minutes left, this day almost got away from me, too.

Besides days that get away, there are far too many thoughts in my head related to last year and this year and what I want to do and what I didn't do and what I did. It's a jumbled mess up there in my head, I tell ya'! I'd like to say I'll be brief, but I'd likely have to come back and delete that. Or risk being called a liar.



2009 - probably one of my favorite years. Hubby starting his business has just been such an incredible adventure. Seeing God's provision in our lives has been such a wonderful blessing. Watching our boys grow up is just amazing. Family and friends are such a joy in our lives.

2010 - As ever, I long to live simpler and lighter. Less stuff & more focus.

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I want to love God and people more. I want to bear fruit that glorifies Him.

By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. ~John 15:8

I want to spend more time with my camera. Learning how to use all the manual controls. Shooting photos that were what I saw when I looked through the lens.

Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter. ~Ansel Adams

I want to share those photos and preserve the memories for my children through consistent scrapbooking. Not just once or twice a year, but ongoing.

Scrapbooking isn't about scraps of paper and photos. Scrapbooking is about scraps of life - yours and those special to you. ~Rebecca Sower

I enjoy writing and want to improve. Whether it's for others to read or merely my own journaling doesn't really matter. I just haven't written much in quite awhile and find that I miss it.

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." ~William Wordsworth

I want to be a more consistent and encouraging homeschool mom. I need to push the boys when they don't want to be pushed. At the same time, I want to give them freedom to pursue their passions, and spur them on in them, as they grow into godly young men.

And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. ~Hebrews 12:1

I am very excited to see what God has in store this year. I pray that I stop and listen to His direction and His thoughts before racing off with my own and that I would live with a heart of loving obedience.

I wish you all a very blessed and fruitful 2010!

My Chair

Recently I was thinking how nice it would be to have a comfy chair in the corner of my studio. It would be a wonderful place for Bible study, quiet time, or just to relax with a good book.

About a week ago, I received some additional inheritance money from my grandmother's estate. This is the grandmother who prayed for me daily. What an absolutely perfect thing to do with part of the money - buy a chair for a quiet place to spend time with God. I think Grandma would approve.

Utility Bills

Our city utilities has a program called Budget Billing. I'm sure many, if not most, other utility companies offer something similar. When you go on Budget Billing, they will take an average of your usage for the past year and you pay that amount each month for the next 12 months. They'll adjust accordingly at the end of that year. It eliminates all the seasonal fluctuation and makes budgeting much easier.

The requirements are very simple:

You have had utilities at the current address for a year or longer. Check.

Your bill is current. Check.

You have to pay on time each month, or they'll take you off. Check.

So we signed up recently and I had a vague idea of how much I thought it would run, from checking out most of the past year's statements. It turns out I was wrong. Happily wrong. Our monthly utility bill for the next year is...

EIGHTY-NINE DOLLARS!!

Talk about doing a stunned happy dance!! We moved over a year ago because the utilities at our old house were reaching the neighborhood of FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS per month. And we were living like frozen Otter Pops for that price. We were not having a tropical party, dancing in hula skirts and bare feet. We were miserably cold.

Now we get to have comfortable temperatures without selling the car, our blood, and the children to cover the bill. And considering that hubby's income is so up and down this time of year, it's a huge blessing to have a consistent utility payment.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

I love it when God does exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or think!

God's Provision

Given that Colorado winters aren't exactly ideal for RVing, we knew that things would likely be a bit lean since my husband does mobile RV service. But he's been fairly busy and things were still going okay until the past few weeks when the income began to significantly slip. However, we know that God is faithful and He will provide for us. He always has.

I need to transfer money to another account today to cover our life and auto insurance payments. The only problem is that we don't really have enough to accommodate those withdrawals and we thought we may have to get a cash advance on the credit card. An option we didn't want to have to utilize. Although a less than stellar choice, it's still better than bounced payments and canceled insurance.

So he calls me a few minutes ago to let me know that he got the second check for a job that he did awhile back. We thought he wouldn't receive this payment until next month!


Insurance payments? $292.00

Today's check? $350-something

Fill hubby's truck with gas, so he can work? $50-ish

Seeing God's hand in our lives? Priceless.

"Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:31-34

He Knows

It's one of those days. One son alternates between obnoxious provocation and angry tantrums. Somewhere in the midst is the place of cooperation and motivation, though he's seen it only once today. At least to the best of my recollection.

I read a new cookbook while eating lunch. The boys are rude, dishonoring, and inappropriate. It's enough. I grab my meal and my drink and retreat to the studio. I will not spend my lunch with these unruly juveniles. They know clearly why I've left. I told them. Apologies are offered, yet it continues once I'm gone.

Lord, will these boys ever mature? Ever be friends? Ever make the right choices? Myopic vision keeps me in the here and now, unable to see a day when they'll grow beyond this childish nonsense.

Holy Experience has arrived in my inbox. I read the title of Ann's current post - When Life Heats Up and know that God sent this. He knew I would need this. Right now.

He always knows, doesn't He? He's omniscient, after all. He's GOD. There's nothing He doesn't know.

But I forget. I need reminders. I'm ever grateful that God is such a faithful reminder - through His word, His Spirit, His people, the internet, and so much more. He uses any and everything He chooses.

Thank You, Lord, for Your perfect timing as You brought me to my desk and to this post. I am, yet again, humbled and reminded that I need to let the pressure do its work. Give me the patience, the mental time-out, and the grace to stay the course.

Joy of Giving

I've been a part of the FreeCycle e-loop for quite some time, but I really haven't participated much. Usually it's because I don't have what people need or don't want what they're getting rid of.

But on Saturday, someone posted a request for a refrigerator. We've had a second frig in our garage for a few years now, which is handy, but not necessary. My honey was out of town for the day, so I asked him on Sunday if he was okay with us giving away our refrigerator. Of course, he said that was fine.

A quick email and yes, they still needed a refrigerator. So we spent Sunday afternoon combining our frozen and refrigerated foods into one and cleaning up both refrigerators. They came over that afternoon and picked it up, happy to have a frig in their new home.

And the coolest thing of all? While I was sorting food, cleaning the frig, and reloading it in a more orderly fashion, I was filled with joy and thanking God for the privilege of giving away our refrigerator.

...and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

Leap of Faith

Where to begin? My thoughts are rambling around like so many kernels of corn in the heated popper.

My husband quit his job today (I began writing this on 4/29). Because God is leading him, actually us, into a new direction. He's starting a business. Very soon, obviously. He didn't quit today, he gave his notice. Thursday, May 7th will be the last day. Six days away. Friday will be a celebration with family and friends at an amusement park. That wasn't intentional, but it worked out that way.

My dear husband has worked on RVs for over 23 years now. He's exceptionally good at it. There's really not much he can't do or figure out. During that time, he's worked for nine RV dealerships or service centers. I'm sure that there are plenty of other businesses for whom it can be difficult to work, but I must say that it's been quite the ride with every one of these companies. For probably 21 of the 23 years, he has periodically done work on the side for people. Friends, family, and friends of both. We began discussing the idea of him having his own RV service business many, many years ago. Somewhere around 20 years ago. But it didn't happen. It was just a dream.

Eight years ago, the dream became a reality. A very short-lived reality. He did start a mobile RV service business. Naturally, there are those issues you can't anticipate until you're there. We learned some things. Things that we would handle differently if we ever ventured down this path again. In the meantime, he was offered a position with his previous employer. A position with a promotion and a nice raise. Money was running low, so he accepted. At least we had tried. And we had experience.

January of 2008, we began considering the possibility of him starting his business again. Instead of mobile service, we began looking at facilities. Something with a couple of bays and some office space. Nothing big or fancy. We found a place that looked like it might work. And then we got the $400 utility bill at home that took us down a different path. The path to buying a house. When you are self-employed, you have to be in business, and be profitable, for quite some time to qualify to buy a house. So the business went on the back burner while we spent months looking for a house.

Recently, the thoughts of a business came to the forefront again. We knew it would be a better time of year (last time we started in January - a little early in the season). He already has people wanting him to do work for him right now. There's been a lot of stress for him with his current employer. Enough to make him stay home sick in bed about once a month.

Last week, we sat down and more purposefully discussed the issues at hand. What would we have to do, specifically, to start the business up again? Not really all that much. We had done much of the groundwork eight years ago. We jotted some tasks and numbers. We'd been praying. It seemed that this was the direction God was taking us.

As He is ever so gracious to do, God began to open the doors and lead the way. We were listening to Dave Ramsey's Town Hall for Hope last week. One of the questions? Is this a bad time to start a business? No, not really. Dave actually believes that it's a very good time to start. Because many businesses have already failed, there is less competition. He shared a number of people who began their businesses either near the end of a recession or just following. Companies that have become very successful. It was encouraging to hear.

Update: Today was it. The last day working for someone else. I just wanted to wait and post this after he was officially done there. It just seemed the right thing to do.

We've filed our reincorporation papers, changed the address on our federal tax id, begun the process of getting insurance, printed biz cards, and created a web site (sort of - I just used existing templates. I don't know how to create a web site). We have a couple other things to wrap up on Monday or Tuesday. And he's ready to roll.

Here we go, leaping off the cliff. Into the plans of God.

Learning Styles & Ah-Ha Moments

I was chatting with my friend about homeschool, public and private education, and right-brained versus left-brained learners. Since I have a couple of right-brained kids – one a little more than the other, and I personally am all over the place, schizophrenic-brained, I think. Or maybe it’s ambidextrous-brained? Anyway . . . I was reminded of two very clear, defining moments during which I became acutely aware of certain things about my youngest son and his personal bent.

The first was back in 3rd grade while he was still in public school. Worksheets were sent home Monday through Thursday utilizing the spelling words. On Wednesdays, he was to write a paragraph using about 10 of those words. For this particular week, he was to write about an “everyday activity.” He was very frustrated and kept insisting he couldn’t do it. Granted, some weeks the words were NOT very conducive to the topic they (the curriculum folks) assigned. However, this didn’t seem insurmountable. Since we had just had a yard sale recently, I told him he could write about a yard sale and proceeded to give him a few ideas for using the assigned words. He looked at me very seriously and said, “But we don’t have a yard sale every day.”

Ah ha!

The second moment took place in his 5th grade class. Still in public school. Another language arts assignment – this one required him to read a short story; about 3-4 pages long, and then complete some questions. He was to write three things that were interesting about each of the three children in the story. Once again, I got the complaints of “I can’t do it!” I asked if he’d like me to read the story with him – maybe he needed a review. Nope, he’d already read it a couple of times and he knew what it said. So I began reading it and started to comment. As I listed some things about the children and their interests, I mentioned that their likes and interests were similar to my son's, and gee, wasn’t that interesting? Again, the very serious look with “That’s not interesting, that’s plain.” I said that it was kind of interesting that they were like him and with the same serious look got “I’m not supposed to write about how they’re like me. I’m supposed to write what’s interesting about them. There’s nothing interesting about them.”

Ah ha!

He wasn’t trying to be difficult in either situation (or many others in his educational career), he’s just wired a little differently and he truly could not come up with answers that fit what was being asked of him. This caused extreme frustration, because he genuinely “could not do it.” Many things are very black and white and trying to explain it in shades of gray just doesn’t fly.

These are the moments I have to remember as I seek to educate him at home. He’s a very intelligent boy, but it has to make sense to him, it has to be presented in a way that works in his paradigm because he truly cannot grasp it any other way. And that’s okay – God made him this way and God can enable me to teach to his strengths.

Living by Faith

In his book, Crazy Love, Francis Chan poses a question that he was faced with many years ago:

What are you doing right now that requires faith?

Merely nine words, yet they dig deep into the soul of my Christian walk. Do I live in a way that requires faith on my part? Sadly, I'd have to say, "No, not really." My life is comfortable, bordering on complacent. He mentions in this particular chapter that his life would probably look no different were he not a believer in Christ. I have to concur. If someone saw my life from afar, without actually talking to me - sort of a silent movie - I don't know that there would be anything to distinguish me from those who don't care to know Jesus.


Ouch.


This chapter spoke of our love for God being evidenced by what and how we give. Do we give the bare minimum, if anything? Or do we give wholly and completely? Of everything.

Another important element of giving is with our time. Most of us are so busy that the thought of adding one more thing to our weekly schedule is stressful. Instead of adding in another thing to our lives, perhaps God wants us to give Him all all of our time and let Him direct it as He sees fit. One of the most memorized verses in the whole Bible says, "For God so loved the world that He gave..." (John 3:16). Right there we see the connection between loving and giving evidently established. (from Crazy Love)

Francis' words speak volumes here. I have become so possessive and selfish with my time. As if it's mine to begin with. If I truly believe the words of Christ, and I say I am His child, how dare I claim things - time, money, possessions, talents - as MINE. I would tell you that it's all His, but I don't live that way.

What an appropriate place to be. On this day, which we call Good Friday. But it's more than just "good." It represents so much more. Today we commemorate the the greatest gift, the greatest sacrifice ever given.

Jesus Christ, God incarnate,


LET them unjustly accuse and convict Him


LET them spit upon, blindfold, and beat Him


LET them shove a crown of thick, cruel thorns into His head


LET them pierce His hands and feet with spikes as they nailed Him to the cross


LET His life be poured out in horrific pain,


KNOWING that it was God's will,


KNOWING that he would be separated from God,


KNOWING that this act would satisfy the penalty for the sins of all mankind,


KNOWING that some would still reject Him,


KNOWING that this was the only way you and I could be reconciled to a holy and just God.

In light of all that Jesus gave, how can I give so little? Do I truly love so little? Trust so little?

May this Good Friday, this Easter, this Resurrection Day be bigger and more significant. May I learn to give all out of a heart of love for my Lord and Savior.

Inspired

I've been participating on and off in the A Woman Inspired online conference the past few days. If you haven't been a part of it, there is one more day, so check it out.

Anywho, I've not been able to listen to all of the sessions, but those that I've heard have been SO inspiring! As is often the case, I've come away from these talks with one significant theme:

I have GOT to remember to take EVERYthing to God and SEEK HIM in ALL things.

It is far too easy for me to just (try to) run my life on my own. To make my plans and then hope that God blesses them. To try and figure things out myself.

And I know better. It's crazy that I do that, but I do. I pray that I can get this one down. Or at least improve. I want to be a woman who takes absolutely every single thing to Him, all the time. My thoughts, fears, dreams, desires, concerns, etc.

Flexibility

Proverb 16:9 says, "A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."

I try to keep this verse in the forefront of my mind while making my daily/weekly plans. Sometimes I have that flexibility and other times, not so much.

This weekend, my husband was at our church's annual men's retreat. For the boys and me, that pretty much means a weekend of play (not that we don't play when he's home; it's just our yearly deal). It's the one weekend out of the year when I let them watch too much tv and play too many video games. It's also the one weekend that I designate as my scrapbooking weekend. At our previous house, I would tell the boys they HAD to eat in front of the television for every meal. You can imagine how that went over! The reason? Because I was going to take over the dining room table for scrapbooking. Then we'd go rent some movies and have a fun, laid-back weekend.

Somehow, this year didn't turn out quite as expected. The boys were having issues with each other on Saturday. Issues which required my intervention. As much as I wanted to crop, I had a hard time getting to it. One of the boys had a huge meltdown Saturday night around the time we leave for church. Things just didn't come together so well.

This afternoon, the guys were on their way back down the mountain from the retreat and hubby called to see if I could have my dad pick up the car trailer from a friend's because one of his friends' car broke down - clear on the other side of Berthoud Pass, around two hours from home (could you imagine the towing bill?!?). Of course, we were excited to have hubby home tonight after being gone for the weekend, but apparently that wasn't God's plan.

My dear husband had the means and ability to help someone out, which trumped the desire to be home. No surprise to God, though. It was in His plan all along. We've had snow on and off recently, and they definitely get more up there, but God was gracious to provide dry roads for this trip. He'll be home a little late, but nothing terrible.

In the case of my husband, I know that God changed his plans to use him to bless someone else. In the case of my weekend plans, I don't really know why they didn't pan out. But does it really matter? We should be every bit as flexible whether we know the reason or not. God's still in control. He's still trustworthy and faithful. And He will bless our obedience to His call.