Sometime after 2:30, hubby woke up and pointed out the time to me (he thought I was just reading WAY too late!). In actuality, I was reading for the third time since I couldn't sleep. I was so frustrated that I came out to the couch, crying, with my blanket, pillow, and alarm clock. Here I was needing to get up in 3 1/2 hours and be one of the drivers for the museum trip. I felt like I'd be letting the troop down if I didn't go, but I was also starting to get concerned that it wouldn't be safe for me to drive on such limited sleep.
The trip to Denver would probably be okay, but by the time we came home, I could be extremely tired. To top it off, I was reading an article about people falling asleep at the wheel in Reader's Digest. I would not only be driving me and my kids, but also a few other boys. This brought to mind a dear friend who died 3 years ago because he fell asleep while driving back from South Dakota.
Hubby came out and talked and prayed with me, after which I still tossed and turned for awhile. I eventually fell asleep sometime after 3:30, but not before thinking about God's perspective on all of this. Sometimes He intervenes in our plans in ways that make absolutely no sense to us. I also thought about how some ladies from our church were going to hear Elisabeth Elliot speak in Denver a few years ago. My sister was supposed to attend, but she called me early in the morning and said that she hadn't been able to sleep. She really sensed that she wasn't supposed to go. She didn't know why, but believed that God had used her insomnia to keep her home.
Logically, I would think that I should be allowed a good night's rest since I had to drive to Denver. But maybe there was a reason God didn't want me to go. I may never know (this side of heaven) what that reason was, but I have to trust that He really is in control of my life. I have to not fall into the guilt trap of thinking that I messed up the trip for the Scouts. (Which I didn't - I think they even all fit into one vehicle.)
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."
On a side note - my youngest son really didn't want to go to the museum today. He said that weekends were not for doing a lot of walking, but for relaxing! I think he prayed that he would be sick or the trip would be cancelled. It never occurred to him that his prayers might result in a really bad night for his mom. Of course, it never occurred to him that his prayers could be bad for anyone - just that he wouldn't have to go. I think he felt kind of bad this morning when he found out what a rough night I had. Maybe God will use this to teach him to think through things a bit before praying for them.
I was really looking forward to the museum trip because the boys and I are studying electricity right now and they have an interactive Ben Franklin exhibit. But that's okay, we'll go see it later this week and I suppose that by ourselves it may be a bit more educational. In the meantime, I slept and slept and slept (on and off) this morning and now probably have sleep overload instead of sleep deprivation. Oh well, the one thing I do know is that God has my life safely in His hands and He loves me and cares for me more than I can even fathom. So I will trust Him.