As a mom, there are often times when it seems that I see no fruit of my labors (in parenting or homeschooling). I have one son in particular, who always has a reason why my ideas and suggestions won't work - for him anyway. Now I understand that as a teenager, he needs to start figuring things out for himself. But he will ASK for my input. And silly me, I give it to him. Only to find myself engaged in a near debate. I usually become frustrated and say that I don't know why I even talk to him sometimes. No - I'm not being mean and nasty with him, nor do I plan to cease all conversation. Ironically, he really does want to hear what I have to say and the reasons for what I say. Sometimes I think it's so he can dispute with me. But lately, this is really getting to me.
Last night, I picked him up from a friend's house and it started again. Actually, he wasn't even asking for advice or input. It was merely a conversation . . . or so it appeared. Alas, it was yet another camouflaged opportunity to be contrary. And I started to get sucked right into it. But instead of letting him know that I was exasperated, I just stopped talking. Period. End of discussion. I don't think he had any idea how I felt. We just rode along in silence for awhile. Eventually, I asked him a nice, neutral question, "Did you have fun?" Yes, he did. And then things moved along to less dangerous topics.
But I couldn't let go of it. I just kept ruminating over the fact that he has a contrary opinion to EVERYthing, or at the very least, a REASON (excuse, imho) for things. And everything I've tried to teach him seem to be lost somewhere in that head of his, archived away, never to see the light of day. I was grateful for sunglasses, because I was nearly in tears and I doubt I could explain to him why if he had asked.
But then I began to sense the Lord asking me if I would be faithful to His calling, regardless of the results. I believe it's Jeremiah (I'm not that well-versed on OT prophets) who proclaimed God's word to the people for many, many years and never saw a single convert. So am I willing to continue to train, disciple, and love my son, whether or not I see any evidence of that which I pour into him? And will I do it with grace and mercy, just as the Lord as extended to me?
Of course, I had to say, "Yes, Lord." I have to trust Him with my son and the outcome of his life. It's never really been within my control anyway. It may have appeared that way at one time, when he was a very small child. But that was merely an illusion. God's in charge of my son. My responsibility is obey His call on my life. Right now, that is primarily homeschooling our boys, training them in the ways of the Lord, being a helpmate to my husband and tending to our home. Not necessarily in that order and not exclusively.
"For in this the saying is true: 'One sows and another reaps.'" John 4:37
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9
I may or may not see fruit in my son's life. But that should never change my choices.